by Evan Vanderhuff
An
Oregon man was almost the victim of a carjacking attempt while visiting
the Windy City today while charging his electric car in Brighton Park.
Gaston S. Pensive of the Portland, Oregon suburb of West Linn was
sitting in his Ford Focus Electric plugged in outside the Walgreens on
S. Sawyer Ave. when two men approached his car. According
to Pensive, one of them tapped on his driver's side window while the
other stood behind the back bumper on the passenger side of the vehicle.
Pensive at first didn't hear the tapping over the blaring of The
Grateful Dead on his car stereo, but after the man tapped again, Pensive
rolled down his window a crack to see what the man wanted.
"I didn't know if he was lost or something, so I wanted to at least see what he wanted," recalled Pensive. "It would be the same thing that I would've done back home."
Apparently Pensive cracked the window a little too far because in an instant the man was trying to reach through to attack Pensive. The man kept screaming, "This is a carjacking, granola!" over and over while wielding a crowbar. Pensive tried to plead with the man, claiming that he had just started charging his car 15 minutes ago and only had a 35% charge. That's when the man used his crowbar to smash Pensive's driver's window. Pensive, while ducking to shield his face and eyes from the glass, reached down and grabbed his legally concealed handgun from under his seat. Fearing for his life, Pensive aimed at and fired three to four shots at the carjacker. He fell immediately.
"I didn't know if he was lost or something, so I wanted to at least see what he wanted," recalled Pensive. "It would be the same thing that I would've done back home."
Apparently Pensive cracked the window a little too far because in an instant the man was trying to reach through to attack Pensive. The man kept screaming, "This is a carjacking, granola!" over and over while wielding a crowbar. Pensive tried to plead with the man, claiming that he had just started charging his car 15 minutes ago and only had a 35% charge. That's when the man used his crowbar to smash Pensive's driver's window. Pensive, while ducking to shield his face and eyes from the glass, reached down and grabbed his legally concealed handgun from under his seat. Fearing for his life, Pensive aimed at and fired three to four shots at the carjacker. He fell immediately.
It
was at this time that Pensive heard commotion on the other side of his
car while the carjacker's accomplice smashed the passenger side window
with a sawed-off baseball bat hidden inside his sleeve.
"You'll pay for that, granola!" Pensive recalled the other attacker shouting. "Gimme your car or die!"
Pensive turned his firearm against the new attacker and fired "another three or four shots", according to Pensive. He, too, fell to the pavement, unmoving. Both carjackers were pronounced dead at the scene.
When asked about why he thinks he was targeted or if he thinks it was just a crime of opportunity, Pensive said, "I think they saw me charging my car with my peace sign, "Namaste", and "Green Is More Than Just The Color of Money" stickers on the back and thought that I would be an easy target. Little did they know that I practice at the shooting range once a week with recycled bullets."
Recycled bullets? "Yeah," Pensive explained, "I gather up all of the used lead that I fire, melt it down, and recast them and fit them into recycled copper jackets. I'm a big believer in recycling and reusing things. Why should my ammo be any different?" Pensive then quipped, "I thought to jokingly ask for the bullets that I used on those two men back, but I thought to myself, 'Nah, they can keep 'em. They earned 'em'. I have more at home anyway."
Gaston S. Pensive was only expecting to be in the Chicago area for a few days on business, but with the carjacking and shooting, he'll have to stay around longer to answer some more questions from the police. The police at this time don't expect to press any charges against Pensive, as it seems that he acted in self-defense, but he isn't to leave town without getting approval from CPD first.
When asked if he'll ever come back to Chi-Town again after this incident, he replied, "Yeah, I think so. I mean, sure, it was scary and it really messed with my harmonic rhythms, but I'll be back. Chicago is a big city and has many awesome sights and sounds." Pensive leaned in and whispered, "That giant chrome kidney bean notwithstanding." He went on, "But yeah, I'll be back."
Pensive also had some parting words for any would-be criminals though. "I think this incident just goes to show you that you shouldn't judge a book by its artificial dye free, Amazon free, independently owned, 100% post-consumer recycled paper cover."
The police have not released the names of the two carjacking suspects until their families can be notified of their deaths.
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